Lesson 3. Xiao’s first attempt!


Read and comment on Xiao’s first attempt!

The essay below was written by Xiao. Xiao was a student at the University of Reading who was new to academic writing.

Try to identify the different ideas that Xiao has included.


Discuss the differences between the way of life in your country now and the way of life in the past

I come from China. China is intresting country. It have a long history.
Now it develops very fast.

Before 70 year the war finish. People’s live is so hard,
Because they no money, no food, no light, no TV, no book. But, they are work hard on the land.

In last 50 years, the government start a new building programme, the people’s live improve day by
day, China opend the door to the world, Now we have a lot of moden city.
Just like Beijing, Shanghai. Now many people live in China, play in China, work in China.

The number of people in cities is very large which make China have to build.
In the year of 2008, because the Olympic Games, the hole world’s eye on china.

In the future, I’m sure China will be beter than today.

China will always better than yesterday.

Use the discussion board below to comment on the strengths and weaknesses of Xiao’s first attempt.

Think about the development of his ideas, the organisation, and the language.

What ideas has Xiao included in his essay?

Watch as Anne identifies the ideas that Xiao has included in his essay.

The strengths and weaknesses of Xiao’s first attempt

Follow Anne as she examines the strengths and weaknesses of Xiao’s first essay attempt,

looking at content, organisation and language.


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